In memory of Professor Abe

I was about to be overwhelmed by a behemoth I created. I was a Dr Frankenstein. I really had a hunch so.
I was in extreme agony when I was just 20. I had held a couple of my writings that I wrote at age 17, 18, and 19 or more precisely in May 1978, in July 1978, in September 1980. I was born in June 1961.
I think I studied hard in my school days, but that did not certify the value of my writings. Simply it might have been a trash. But it was hard for me to judge only by myself whether it's a trash unless someone says it's nice. Someone must have been the one anyone admit he's somebody.
People surrounding me said they admit my talent but it was not enough to convince me what my writings are.
The role Professor Abe played in my life up until now was tremendous. I've got a confidence no one can easily break, but I must realise right now that he was gone and gone for ever.
Now it's me who must play an important role in a society, I know but it's hard to see how I do.
All my writings were written in Japanese, first of all I must worry whether Japanese language survive in a hundred years time. The number of Japanese speakers and English speakers was almost the same when Perry arrived in Japan in 1853 with four Black Ships. 150 years later English speakers are ten times more.
It was another story..