Chaste or Free-spirited?
It might be a bit awkward to ask you this, but when it comes to chaste women versus those who are not — though the latter can sometimes be conversely quite charming — which would be better for a lifelong partnership? Also, what are the chances that a non-chaste woman would become faithful after marriage? Please answer to the extent that you can.
The truth is, I am currently dating both types. The chaste woman refuses to have a physical relationship until after marriage, so we have a completely pure relationship. On the other hand, the free-spirited woman seems to have multiple boyfriends besides me. She is dating me as well, but she doesn’t really hide the fact that she is seeing multiple people. When I expressed my desire for marriage to both of them, they both said yes. It’s a bit extravagant, but I am now facing the ultimate choice.
What has been painful is that this free-spirited woman has already tried to break up with me twice, but I didn’t accept it, which is why the relationship has continued. She seems open to marriage, but what happens twice might happen a third time. If she brings up breaking up again, I intend to walk away cleanly this time.
I feel plenty of excitement and attraction toward the chaste woman as an individual, but I think the joy that can only be experienced after marriage will be even greater. Since she says she won’t cross that line until marriage, I am considering marriage with her. Meanwhile, I consider marrying the free-spirited woman because I feel that unless we marry, she will never belong to me alone. If I were to cut off contact with the free-spirited woman right now, I don’t think she would chase after me.
I love both of them and can’t say which one is better; it really makes me realize how rare it is to find someone who perfectly matches your ideal. I constantly catch myself thinking that if these two could just fuse into one person, I wouldn’t have to hesitate at all. So, what is your take on this?
“Truth is stranger than fiction,” as Byron supposedly said (or didn’t say). I understand your perspective. Allow me to share my own thoughts.
What the chaste woman is presenting is a traditional value system. Being united for the first time after marriage — though, in today’s world, one wonders how many people actually get married without any premarital intimacy. This is something only the couple themselves can truly know. To me, it feels like this chaste woman is calling my bluff, thinking, “There’s no way he’ll actually go so far as to decide on marriage.” Every time I go on a date with her, the only thing I feel is frustration.
On the other hand, with the free-spirited woman, I am able to fulfill my desires every time, and I am satisfied with that aspect itself. However, it makes me question whether it is truly me who holds a place in her heart. Ultimately, the free-spirited woman is the only one I am actually “dating”; my relationship with the chaste woman right now is nothing more than being advanced friends. In my view, the free-spirited woman is genuinely serious about finding a marriage partner, even if it means selling herself short to do so.
The chaste woman is certainly chaste, but from my perspective, she is losing to the free-spirited woman before she can even convey her true merits to her partner. The reason I cannot press the chaste woman on a specific timeline for a proposal or details about married life is simply because we haven’t become close enough yet. Everything is built upon the hypothetical condition of “if you marry me.”
Conversely, I feel the free-spirited woman is exposing her whole self to appeal to me. My impression is that she is the one being more sincere. I will not be the one to initiate a breakup with her; I am simply resolved to cleanly forget her if a third breakup talk comes from her end.
Of course, this might just be male selfishness, but I believe that if a child is conceived, marriage is a must. Beyond marriage as a legal institution, I believe that if a child is born as a result of biological instinct, the institution of marriage should catch up to that reality. If it comes down to that, marrying the person I am having a premarital relationship with becomes the only choice.
The chaste woman is highly attractive, but if she won’t allow our relationship to progress any further before marriage, I suppose we will just drift apart naturally. Well, the final decision is mine to make, but I would love to hear your ultimate opinion on the matter.
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